


put your empty hands in mine

by ayushi_writes



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, IMPORTANT:, Implied/Referenced Past Abusive/Toxic Relationship, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, connor loves him for it, evan being an A+ supportive fella, i wrote this forEVER ago and then didnt bother to edit n post, its been ages i had to dust off the old password recovery to post this, its misunderstandings but for like two minutes because C O M M U N I C A T I O N W I N S, okay so
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-26
Updated: 2017-12-26
Packaged: 2019-02-21 23:45:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13154595
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ayushi_writes/pseuds/ayushi_writes
Summary: Connor runs into someone he hoped he'd never see again. Evan is confused, and then he isn't.ft. some of that Good protective boyfriend stuff,, hey, i kno I'M a fan





	put your empty hands in mine

**Author's Note:**

> me: okay but asshole OC exes are So cli--  
> me to me: use it to show evan's development and protective side  
> me: okay!!!!! 
> 
> connor and evan have both been getting the help they NEED AND DESERVE for a while now + they're not so cool in college
> 
> hey guys its been,, some Time
> 
> merry cthulhu and happy holidays!! i tried to write something seasonal then i was like nvm lets post an old draft
> 
> WARNING: references to a past toxic/abusive relationship. it's only in a couple of lines with nothing graphic but just letting u know!! y'all are muffins please stay safe!!

Goddammit, he should've bailed the moment he spotted that mop of bleached blonde hair in the corner of the kitchen. Connor was only at this stupid party because Evan was at this stupid party, and Evan was only at this stupid party because Jared bribed him to come, waving a season pass to the new local aquarium around.

"Who's he?" Apparently Connor had been less subtle about glaring at Scott than he thought.

He forced himself to turn away and smile at Evan, trying not to let his instinctual response to his ex get in the way of enjoying a stupid party. "An ex. Nothing good between us." He hesitated, unwilling to go into the full sob story. "It's complicated. I'll be fine."

Catching sight of Alana, he waved to her and she walked over, immediately pulling them both into an anecdote about running into a cute girl while waiting for office hours. He determinedly kept his eyes away from the other side of the room.

—

"They're right on my desk, Connor," Connor mocked Grant's voice, beseeching him to grab his glasses after he lost a contact. Evan was in the bathroom, meaning Connor was left vulnerable to the host's whiny requests. He wouldn't have gone, if it weren't for Zoe's voice in his head, pleading with him to not pick fights with everyone over little things.

He heard the door open, the sound of the party leaking in. And... an oily voice.

"You look good tonight, babe."

Connor felt his skin crawl at the words, suddenly frozen. "What do you want."

"Just wanted t—"

"Actually, I don't give a fuck. Because what _I_ want is to get back out there to my beautiful boyfriend and enjoy a stupid college party."

He finally turned around to face Scott, crossing his arms and forcing himself to not shrink under the other's gaze. 

" _That's_ your new boyfriend?" Scott snorted. "Never took you as the type to downgrade..."

Red flashed across Connor's vision. "Really? Who's the single one here? And don't think I forgot that damn restraining order. Get the hell away from me."

Scott spread his arms, wobbling slightly from intoxication. "Hey, hey, it's my buddy's pal's party. What kind of friend would I be if I didn't show up?"

"Probably the same kind of lowlife scum you were as a boyfriend and are as like, a person in general."

Green eyes darkened. "I was helping you."

Now it was Connor's turn to snort. "Damn, didn't know 'help' was spelled like 'abuse and degrade.' Modern slang and all that."

"I'll still take you back, you know. All you have to do is say the word."

Connor's patience had worn thin already. "Move aside, fuckface, before I—"

And Scott was kissing him, and Connor's hands were on Scott's chest, pushing back, but arms were locked around his back and Scott _wouldn't let go_ and there. There was a strangled noise from the doorway and Connor finally shoved Scott away, stumbling back as he turned to face Evan, of course it was Evan, happening upon the worst scenario possible—

Turning back to Scott, Connor reeled back and socked him in the jaw, causing the other to double over with a satisfactory yelp. After punching him in the abdomen for good measure, Connor wasted no time racing to the door and down the stairs. Evan was hurrying down the last flight, almost to the door, when Connor called a desperate "Wait!" 

He didn't even pause, pushing through the door and into the night chill, Connor following suit seconds after. "Ev, please please let me—"

He was cut off by Evan reeling around, a determinedly calm expression on his face.

"I— I promised myself I wouldn't be one of those boyfriends that goes batshit crazy and— and— and I won't, I promise, I just really need to leave right now, I'm sorry, can you please just— please just hitch a ride back with Jared? I can't be here right now and I can't, sorry, I can't look at you right now—" True to his words, Evan was avoiding Connor's eyes, clenching his fists at his sides to avoid picking at the hem of one of his nice shirts. His breathing was shaky as he visibly forced himself to not hyperventilate, chest shuddering with the effort.

_I did this. I sent him into another spiral, c'mon Murphy, fucking say something—_

"It— I wasn't— he forced himself on me, Evan— he." Now Connor was the one forcing himself to take deep breaths. "The reason I— it's complicated is, long story short, he proposed to me, poured my meds down the toilet, and beat me bloody in one night." 

Silence. A long, awkward stretch had to have lasted at least two whole minutes, which seems a lot longer when you're staring a chipped sidewalk. He could hear Evan's breaths evening out, far more quickly than previous times Evan fought down a panic attack. He felt a little swell of pride at the thought.

Connor braced himself for the torrent of apologies coming in 3, 2, 1...

"Are you okay?"

Connor's head shot up. Evan's voice was steady and he— was smiling?

"Sorry, dumb question— want me to get Jared to ruin his life? He brags all about it but he really does have good computer skills. And, um, I haven't drank anything other than Sprite so I can drive us home. C'mon, your coat's in the car." Gently taking Connor's arm, Evan led him to the passenger door of his beat up Honda.

Connor managed to get his voice unstuck for the second time in five minutes. "You're not— you—" 

Evan turned to look at him, eyes soft and an expression so caring it made Connor's heart ache. "I'm fine." Connor raised his eyebrows at Evan's hands, still shaking ever so slightly. "Okay, well, still anxious, but that's a perpetual thing. I'm not— of course I'm not mad or hurt, Con— if anything I'm furious at Scott for thinking he has the right to be within a mile radius of you after— after, you know. Jared'll wreck his social media without even getting the full story— honestly, he'll take any excuse to use his hacking skills for evil. And you don't have to tell me everything right now— or ever, because shitty memories don't always get less shitty by talking about them. If you want to— I'm here. Of course I'm here." And that small smile Evan gave towards the end of his little speech, his earnest face— it was too much for Connor.

He pushed— fell— forward and into Evan's arms, curling himself into Evan's shoulder as he squeezed his eyes shut in a futile attempt against the tears. "I— Ev—" His voice broke, and he buried his face in Evan's brand-new shirt, probably soaking it with tears and snot but he couldn't care less right now because Evan, Evan, Evan understood and was good and kind to him and Connor Murphy didn't deserve people who were good and kind, he didn't—

"Shh, shh, it's okay, it's okay, sunshine..." Connor let out a watery laugh at the nickname he had protested on multiple occasions in the past, always refuted by Evan who insisted that he had a "sunshine smile."

"You calmed down so fast. Can't believe my boyfriend is the picture of mental stability," Connor said into Evan's shoulder.

Evan laughed. Connor could feel it against his face. "Not even close, but measurable progress is like the cherry on top some days. It's nice of you to point it out."

"Ev... you're amazing. And your progress deserves to be acknowledged." Connor pulled back, face still wet with tears. 

"Thank you, Connor. Really." Evan swiped his thumbs over his cheeks. "C'mon, let's get you home. We still have that leftover spaghetti, I think?"

Evan pulled open the door for him like the fucking _gentleman_ he was— Connor should mention that to Heidi next time they talked— and climbed into the driver's seat. He barely registered the key turning and the radio being tuned to some soft music, suddenly exhausted to the bone. "This is the last I'm gonna say about it now but Scott's even dumber than he looks if he thought he stood a chance against you," Connor muttered.

Evan giggled a little, and Connor was just. Gazing at him, hopelessly enchanted. "Wow, Murphy, like you hadn't stole my heart already."

"Well, not to overdo it, I love you more than words can ever express."

Connor let his head fall back, the occasional clatter of the engine a comfort.

"And you're the best person in the world."

"Jury's still out on that, let's get you home now."

"It's true because I said so."

"Mmmm."

Connor felt himself melting into the ratty seat, eyelids growing heavy. "You are and I'll deck anyone who says otherwise."

The last thing he heard before drifting off, the scent of pine car freshener and that R&B station Evan liked lulling him to sleep, was a quiet "Love you too."

**Author's Note:**

> i might do a sequel, both talking and opening up more about their experiences, or i might delete my account and devote my life to whitewater rafting
> 
> lemme kno in the comments + idk comment ur favorite 2017 Thing (other than hollyweed thats mine i called it)
> 
> fun fact my working name for Asshole Ex OC was "Smurf" for a coupla months just cause i couldn't think of one
> 
> shoutout to my sis for the "waiting for office hours" College Thing
> 
> dedicated to colton ryan,, because i love and miss him. whatta guy.


End file.
